you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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