New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
