I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
You smell like stripper and shame
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
