Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
