I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
it's like heaven, but drunker
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
