He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
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