eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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