im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
