Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
