omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
