After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
