got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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