Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize