Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
