I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
