I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
