Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
