I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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