If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
God I need to hump something, right now.
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