I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
