So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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