he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
