The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
