I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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