sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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