If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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