i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
