Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
