I cockslap morals
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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