she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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