i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
