i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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