yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
