I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
