nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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