Nicole vs. Life
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
