She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
