Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
