She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
