Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
