I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
