I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
