You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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