I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
