Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
