as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
