This girl is more easily done than said...
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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