Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I think people are normalizing furries
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize