dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
