am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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