I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
