I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
