Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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