Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
