I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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