he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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