Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
