either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
