can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
