worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
