you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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