I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
