i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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