You don't have asthma, your pregnant
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
i drank out of a bidet.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
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