It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
