i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
