Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
