I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize