i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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