I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
