Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
